Titleless

I was very confused as I woke up yesterday morning. I had a guilt of not going to work last Friday. I do not want to avoid work because I am depressed. I wish I didn't have to go to work. I had been awake for long so didn't feel lazy as I got out of bed. I took a shower, put on my clothes but something was not right as always. Archana was awake as well as she put lunch into my lunchbox. She looked at me, she wanted to find the signs that I was OK this morning, the hope that will shatter as soon as she put her eye on me. A numb, expressionless stone stared her back telling her it is far from over.
I dragged myself to the train station, there was no urge to jump on the train track but I was not OK. I hated the fact that I had to face people at work.
What I felt yesterday has been already spitted out in my previous post. After the evening meal we (me and my daughter) were expecting our cousin and her family. They arrived and I could tell that she was very concerned, she had come to see me, to help me out. I only sat there as an inanimate object just waiting them to go so that I can jump into the bed.
When they were here I looked at my niece and nephew and then my daughter. My daughter was coy and out of place. She looked so naive as if she didn't belong among them. I choked to see her, I saw a little girl without a father in her.
My phone rang, it was my friend. I was further in tears, I could not gather enough courage to speak to him. As soon as my cousin left I rushed into my room and wept. My friend had called from Nepal and he had left a voice mail, I deleted it without even listening to it. I wept and wept till I felt a little better.