I had started earning at early age. I used to give tuition classes and it continued when I was doing my undergraduate after a brief stop. But to work for pocket money is completely different than to work for living to work for career. My exams had completed and I was diagnosed with depression. In those early days I was sure that this depression will be cured though I was struggling to carry on every simple activities of life. I was either sleeping too less or too much, I had lost connection with life, there was negativity all around. There was no way of getting job or keeping job in those conditions. The results were not out yet. In those corners of world exam results take longer than one can imagine. It was in the month of December when I got a call from college, they were offering a position of a teaching assistant. Everyone was happy, in the country where the unemployment rate is more than 50%, to get a job even when you do not have your undergraduate degree in hand is wonderful. This meant I would start supporting my family pretty soon. However as I felt sedated, dizzy, listless most of the day it came to me like a huge burden. Life had given no options so I had to pick what was available, I joined the college. To stand in the class for an hour and often more was too demanding. I often felt I will pass out in the class. Before I even got out of home I wanted to return. It was too difficult. My colleagues knew I was struggling and I didn't get good response from students. I didn't have college degree but I was teaching 7th Semester students, the students knew this. I had been their peer and now they didn't find it cool to have me as a teacher. A group of students didn't attend my class but those who did gave good reviews. As common with depression I was worried about the group that didn't attend the class rather than being happy about getting appreciation from those who attended. I didn't fear losing job but I couldn't see myself as a failure. I linked the absence of the group in my class as my failure.
Soon the results were out and I had topped the university. It would have made a healthy person feel awesome but it brought nothing to me, it simply didn't matter.
There was a job vacancy in the largest bank in the country. They wanted an IT professional. Probably it was my father who brought the paper in which the vacancy was published. I didn't want to apply but my parents wanted me to apply, they didn't want me to stick to unpromising teaching assistant job. The bank job offered better money and complete job security. Obviously I was oblivious. Yet I went to submit the application form in person. As I went into the building I told myself I will work in this building. I had to prepare hard for the written test but my depression won't let me do so and worse of all with anti-depressants my memory was faltering. To my surprise the test was great. In the merit list I was ranked top among all other candidates. The next hurdle was interview which was a cake walk for me. Again among 8 candidates selected I was ranked at top in the merit list. Since I was ranked at top the traditional rule suggested I will select the branch where I would want to work. That would obviously be my own city Kathmandu. Now came the twist of fate, since I was ranked top they sent me to the branch where there was too much to do and technology was really poor. From a business perspective that was the right decision, I was doomed. I was to start at the Trisuli branch. Though just 70Km from Kathmandu, it was remotest in every sense. The mighty Trisuli river flowed through the place through the unfriendly and morbid hills. Not any good market nearby as most people preferred going to 3 hours away Kathmandu.
I went to the unwelcoming office. I didn't have a chair to sit but luckily a computer had been arranged. I would also serve as an assistant branch manager. The manager was expletive spitting, clumsy looking, always smoking person who knew nothing about computer. I was asked to sit in front of him sharing the desk so that he and I would face each other. This was a temporary arrangement that became permanent. The manager really liked me probably he could see his son in young me.
I stayed in that job for 7 months and had a terrible bout of depression that lasted for a week but stomach problems that would limit my diet to insipid rice cooked with lentils for a month. But the time spent in Trisuli were often time that I would miss. I had rented a room in a nearby house and other rooms were rented to other office goers and non of them were my colleagues. I met one of the most simple, easy going, calm person there. He worked in District Education Office which was just next to the house we lived in. I was soon his friend. He had a beautiful voice and used to sing communist songs that asked youth to come together to build the country or praised the country or reminded duties of youth toward the country. He sang those song not because he believed in them but because he didn't know any other songs. He said he was hardcore communist in his youth and even participated in underground activities, he used to sing then. He also used to write poems and attended every programs in the locality that had to do anything with literature. I used to call him "KabiJi" which translates to "Poet" in English. I loved watching him do his choirs like cooking, washing clothes singing all the way.
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